Everyone seemed to need emotional support, council, psychology and much more than I was fit to offer. By the end of March I was mentally and spiritually exhausted. I tried to stay positive throughout. All I have to say is THANK GOODNESS FOR LEXYPRO. Around the same time I underwent testing for the hole in my heart, I also underwent a mental evaluation to determine that I was in desperate need of anti-anxiety medication.
For those who know me, I have extreme O.C.D. and can't leave my house until it is spotless. I got to the point that I couldn't handle having one piece of dirty laundry in the home...so I never left. I stressed about the smallest things and seemed angry all the time. Apparently those are all great signs of depression, anxiety, and postpartum. After having me take a written test, the Doctor came in the room and asked, "Have you ever thought of killing yourself?" My response, "Why no...should I have?" We had a good laugh and then he asked the same question again. Apparently I scored so high on the anxiety/depression scale that I 'should' have had a mapped out plan on how to take my own life. In all honestly, I don't believe there is anything so horrible that would drive me to take my own life. Maybe I shouldn't say that. The Lord will send more crazy tests my way.
April was a semi-restful, but busy month. I really focused on my Usborne Books and more business, had a few too many home shows and boutiques. I still tried to put a lot of focus on my family and on my health. Jarom and I started working out together. I was eating healthy, exercising...and unbelievably...GAINING weight. Everyone kept reassuring me that it was muscle. I tried to believe them, but as my pants got tighter, and my bra's seemed to be shrinking, I thought to myself, this couldn't possibly be muscle. Only fat stretches waistbands and shrinks your other clothing. After reaching my goal of running a mile without stopping (it only took me 11 minutes...you may be thinking that is horrible, but remember my mini-stroke) I was so proud of myself and started gaining confidence in my running ability. That confidence was destroyed when I stepped on the scale and I hadn't just gained, 2lbs, or 4 lbs, but 6 pounds. I was so discouraged that I decided...if I am going to gain weight, I am going to eat whatever I want. I should at least enjoy what I'm eating if I am going to gain the weight...right? I know that is crazy logic, but it made me feel better. Thinking positive!
May started out fantastic. My Usborne Books business was doing awesome, I wasn't feeling exhausted like I usually do. I weeded my mom's front garden, back garden, and then started digging a hole for my parents 14 foot trampoline. Of course this took me a matter of 3 days. In between the pulling weeds, and digging dirt, Xander and I experienced something frightful.
Xander, Lyric and I were all ready to leave for Grandma Tippetts house. It was 10am and right before walking out the front door, I dropped everything (as I usually do) and thought to myself, "I really should send out an email to my Primary Presidency about teaching Sharing Time and finding Substitutes." I tried to tell myself to do it later, but I had the overwhelming urge to do it right then. I threw my keys on the kitchen counter, opened up my laptop, turned on a short show for Xander, and started typing away with my email. Right as I hit the send button on my computer, Xander and I were interrupted by a large explosive noise. We looked at each other and said, "What the heck was that?" That is Xanders favorite phrase by the way. After the explosive noise, we heard gushing water. I jumped off the couch and went running down the hall. I didn't make it very far before the panic hit. The utility door was closed and a flood of water was spilling out from underneath. I opened the door to turn off the emergency shut off for the water and found that a broken pipe had busted the emergency shut off handle. Awesome, right?
I closed the door as fast as I could, grabbed Lyric in one and and Xander in the other and went running outside to the front office only to find that it was CLOSED. I ran into our grounds keeper who is from Chili and speaks no English whatsoever. I'm sure I looked like an idiot as I tried explaining to the Chilean that my apartment was flooding. I said something like, "FLOOD, AGUA, APARTAMENTO, B109." He nodded at me and said, "Si" like I was making some kind of sense. I obviously didn't get the point across the first time, so I proceeded speaking crazy. I finally said, "Emergency, Laurence...now!" (Laurence is our maintenance man). The Chilean went running through the court yard and a minute later, Laurence was in my apartment shutting off the water. He came out of my laundry/utility room soaked. The majority of the apartment was also soaked. We had about 3 inches of water in the main bathroom. When I opened the door to the bathroom, the floor mats came floating out. My adrenaline was high and I was still in panic mode, but the only thoughts going through my mind were, "This is totally AWESOME!"
I am the type of person that has always thrived in a sticky situation. How far, and how fast can you push yourself? How many people and things can you save before the building crumbles? How many marshmallows can you fit in your mouth before choking.... okay maybe not that example, but you get my point. I was frantically running around my apartment picking books up off the floor, pulling cords out of outlets, ripping towels off their racks to soak up water, pushing furniture out of the way of the water... it was amazing to see how fast I could make my house look like a literal bomb went off. Nothing of great worth was lost, so I can bask in the moment and think of how truly amazing it was that the apartment was flooded, nothing was ruined and...the most important part...I listened to a prompting.
A day before the flood, I was looking through the pictures of the Oklahoma tornadoes and I came across a glimpse of something truly amazing. There was a disaster zone where all the homes had been flattened and in the middle of all the rubble was a wooden plaque that read:
THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE
How true it is! Thank you to whomever hung that plaque in their home and allowed for it to be perfectly positioned amid the storm.